Amongst devotees of Pete’s writing, there has been much speculation about the precise causes of the accident. It has provided fertile soil for the cultivation of numerous conspiracy theories about the role of the “dark forces” which Pete was convinced were out to get him. These theories have, in turn, helped to bolster the myth of Pete’s technological “martyrdom”.
At the inquest, there was no suggestion of any foul play. But it did uncover some information which has since been used to support the conspiracy theories. It emerged that Pete had been involved in not one but two car accidents that night. The first had occurred shortly after he had left Kay’s that evening, when he was involved in a collision with another car. He was not seriously injured – it was just cuts and bruises - but had been taken to hospital all the same. Having received treatment, he phoned Kay, who agreed to come and collect him. The second accident had occurred in Kay’s car, on the way back from the hospital.
Naturally, the conspiracy theorists have seized upon the unlikely coincidence of two car accidents in one day. They suggest that, having failed to do away with Pete the first time around, the “forces of darkness” simply tried again. They have also been quick to derive support from Pete’s own suspicions about the Overmind coming under attack from sinister forces.
But the police found no evidence of tampering with Kay’s car. They suggested that the cause of the accident was driver error, compounded by adverse weather conditions. It had been raining hard and visibility was poor. Kay had simply lost control of the car whilst driving at high speed. It appeared that she had been breaking the speed limit, probably so that Jonah wouldn’t be left on his own any longer than absolutely necessary. On the face of it, this seemed to be borne out by the statements of various witnesses, who confirmed that the car had been travelling very fast and had veered from side to side before leaving the road. One of them said that it was as if the driver had let go of the steering wheel or dozed off. Another witness said that she thought she could see a struggle going on between the passenger and the driver. The coroner concluded that this was probably just Pete realising that Kay had lost control and trying to do something about it. Although some evidence was presented about Pete’s state of mind, the coroner took the view that it had not been a major factor in the two accidents. They were just an unfortunate coincidence and verdicts of accidental death were recorded.
To me though, the second crash seemed anything but accidental. I had imagined that the focus of the inquest would be on technical issues, such as whether there had been anything wrong with Kay’s car. Listening to the evidence, however, I began to form my own theory about what had really happened that night.
Apart from Kay, it appeared that I was one of the last people to see Pete before he died. I had my doubts about his state of mind. But what concerned me most was the possibility that he had overheard what I had been discussing with Kay, standing out in the corridor in his wet clothes.
Had this made him doubt whether he was really Jonah’s father? Maybe it had made him suspect that I had been having an affair with Kay all along. It could have pushed him to attempt suicide in his own car – and having failed the first time, he had simply tried again when Kay came to pick him up. Even if I was wrong about Pete’s suicidal tendencies, there was another possible explanation for the apparent struggle in Kay’s car before it crashed. What if he had confronted her and demanded the truth about Jonah’s parenthood or her relationship with me? It could have led to a violent row. That would explain the struggle that one of the witnesses had reported.
I wanted to stand up there and then and shout out loud what I knew. But I held back, telling myself that I had to be absolutely sure of my ground. When I got home, though, having been over and over the events leading up to the accident, I had convinced myself that – one way or another - the car crash must have been his fault.
How could he be so selfish, so self-obsessed as to take not only his own life but Kay’s as well? At that point, I could no longer control my anger. I picked up the bundle of notes he had given me – which had lain unexamined on my desk since I opened them - and hurled them around the room.
Then I sat down, my head in my hands. When, after several minutes, I looked up, I saw that one of the loose pages had landed face up on the table in front of me. There, written out in Pete’s slightly scrawly hand-writing were some words which suddenly looked very familiar:
everyone sits
fingering their broken light bulbs
their perfect shape
big frozen waterdrops
mute bells
only
snowflake acoustic
filament fragmentsskate
around the rim
fingernail clippings
held
in erratic orbit
everyone sits
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